Thursday, April 3, 2008

Thinking....


I hate when I don't post for ages, it bothers me...
Sometimes it's just because I'm too busy, but mostly it's because I'm going through one of my - "urgh-I-wish-I-had-time-to-do-everything-I-ever-wanted to-do" phases.
This usually ends up with me doing alot, but achieving nothing...at all.
I have so many sides to me, artistically I mean. I love doing children's book illustrations, (the main part of my income), I have many ideas for writing more of my own, like Molly's Jolly Brolly and Mr Pepper.
I thoroughly enjoy my magazine work.
I want to set up "Pink Shed Publishing", and publish my own card designs.
I love, love, love imagining up and sewing my creatures.
I have a thousand sketchbooks full of very dark drawings that I want to paint up on canvas...
the list goes on, and on, and on.....
But the trouble is, when working on one thing, it keeps me from doing the other. I then feel 'guilty' that I'm not doing what I should be...so the project gets left.
('what I should be' = commercial work, realistic earning a living work...not my sketchbooks full of dark imagery!!)
This cycle continues until I'm faced with a pile of fabric, half made mice and a bunch of blank canvasses. It's a crappy place to be, and it shouldn't...it should be a wonderful place to be. The question I find myself asking again and again is, "what's the point??"
So, I'm going to wake up tomorrow, and inbetween feeding munchkin, playing with her and keeping her happy, I'm going to try and finish something...

I wish I were better at explaining this strange place I keep finding myself in.

Perhaps I'll have something to show by the weekend...?

night night all!

Erica
xoxo

13 comments:

Rosie said...

Erica, thats exactly how I feel, you are not alone! I want to do so many things I end up not doing much at all, and there are many UFO's cluttering the place up. Don't be too hard on yourself, you have your sweet little petal to look after and that takes up lots of time and is more important than anything else.

Rosie x

Jess said...

That's a common feeling when you're working for yourself PLUS you've now got a little person who needs you too. I've no doubt that everyone who reads your blog has nothing but admiration for all the things you do! You must allow yourself to put certain things on hold and not feel guilty. Some things will keep. You know deep down what the most important things in your life are. As long as you're aiming for something good each day you MUST NOT feel guilty!:)x

Catherine said...

I'm just the same (only minus the baby of course). I think the trick is to not let yourself start something new before you've finished what you're working on, or at least not start too many things, and try to prioritize.
Very random analogy: I like to bake cakes and biscuits, and sometimes I'll make them before I've finished making my dinner. While dinner's cooking, its ever so tempting to have a little taste, just break this little corner off here and nibble...but I know that if I do that, before I know it I've gobbled a whole muffin and dinner's burning.
The thing is to work out what's the 'pudding', and what's the 'main course', and try to do them in order!

Catherine said...

(and then every now and then you can let yourself have a day of indulging in whatever you want to do :) )

melissa said...

Erica:

Just enjoy your little baby. You'll have more time and energy for your amazing creations before you know it!

Joanna said...

I'm the same too, minus the baby, plus a rabbit. I have so many thoughts in my head, but get the most done when I give one thing my entire attention. I have decided what I need partly are boxes to tidy one thing away, so I con concentrate on the thing that earns me money but dip back into which ever box takes my fancy, I'm using empty wine boxes. So far its only resulted me on having more things on the go, but that can't be bad least I'm creating things.

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PG said...

Erica, might I point out my dear, you have just had a baby...it is hard enough to juggle things when you have just yourself to think about - might aunty Gretel suggest enjoying your new treasure to the utmost (before she turns into a stroppy teenager) and as Cat said, pick up an old project and finish it. then finish another one. Make the tasks into small ones, and try to deal with them one at a time, because if you think about doing it ALL at once it just becomes overwhelming. But you know, it can be done...

natural attrill said...

Hi Erica,
You have just done the most creative and wonderful thing in the world - had a baby!
Enjoy her, put your creative energy into time with her, she will grow up so quickly, enjoy being a Mum now.
Dont worry about the other things, do them if you feel like it, dont put pressure on yourself to do everything at once.
Also remember that your hormones will be flying around madly at the moment and that can put a strange slant on things!
Good luck,
Penny.
x

Gordon Fraser said...

Hi Erica! I think all us freelancers feel like this every now and again! Thats why we all tend to blog and have our own little groups, we all need to let off steam sometimes and like Gretel and Penny said...you've just had a wee'un! Enjoy your tiome....coz they grow up mighty fast! (love the photo BTW...looks really warm and cosy!)

Tata!

goth

Rima said...

Hello Erica... thanks for visiting me :) I agree with everyone - just do one thing at a time, and at the moment that's loving and enjoying your littl'un.. but also, I think it's good not to "abandon" your art or you'll feel resentful. A balance is best I think, but as I have not yet had a baby, I am no expert :) I do admire people in this blog world who manage to paint with a baby on their knee.. I think it's very inspiring for the child to see their parents still being true to themselves. I understand those frustrations - I am doing a a commission at the mo and because it isn't as exciting as a piece of "me" work, I am a bit bored. It is easy to forget how lucky we are to be earning a living doing something creative rather than some dreary mind numbing job!
I agree wholeheartedly with G - everything is daunting if you look at it as a whole - little chunks is the way forward! I find NOT thinking about things .. rather, just picking up a paintbrush and doing something is a start!
Well.. I'm rambling too now!!
Much love xxx and happy painting and nappying :) Rima

Flávia Leitão said...

Hy, Erica. I live in that strange place! Every day I punish myself, because I want to do hundreds of things, and I can´t!!! Than I pub+nish myself because my life is only work, and nothing else!
And the doble question: work for money, our work for passion?? It's very dificult! And now I am considering to have a baby, and all my guilt and fear grows!!!!
But the important is to get same balance betwen love, work and familie!!!
Good luck, and a lots of energie to make all your dreams came true!!!

this is my patch said...

Erica, I am in that place often, you are not alone. There are so many things that I want to do, even more so when I see all these ideas on everyone's blogs, but I must tell myself it is an impossibility, you can only do so much in the time you are given, and I think we must try to develop on just a few key interests, otherwise we aren't ever going to achieve goals in any one thing. x